thought for the day

this morning I read in the book "Food for Thought: "We should never think of abstinence as punishment. Eating too much food and the wrong kind of food was the real punishment."  Although I don't like "shoulds" I appreciate the reading, and I believe that abstaining from overeating is a lifesaving act of self love. 

Stable Weekend

Plenty of fresh air and exercise, and on track with food. Feel like a turtle but moving forward.

Up and Down

It makes me sad to admit that I have gained nine pounds since I wrote my last post. I hate admitting it.  Probably why I haven't blogged lately.  Things have been up and down and busy. I started eating more when I started working out more.  At first I thought that a little increase in appetite was not going to be so bad, and I believed that it would taper off as I adjusted to the increase in activity. I worked out faithfully but the eating kept increasing and taking on the old pattern of evening eating.  Then I started on sweets, not seeing a huge impact, getting away with a little here and there until it turned into cravings and old stuff. I felt like a drunk getting back on the booze.

It is discouraging but I am not defeated.  I have been here before. It seems like since the big loss I keep ending up at this 10 pound higher weight. I am not going to accept it and give up.  I am glad I stop gaining at this point, but I refuse to accept this as my weight.  I want that last 10 (which is now 20) pound loss. 

So I am detoxing. Sugars don't work well for me. They hurt me. Greens and leans help me.  Water helps me. Herbal tea. 

My personal life had been off, too.  Grandson moved out in the Summer, came back right before school started. We had a plan.  We worked out together, I drove him to the old school every day and picked him up.  He moved out all of sudden. Just decided not to come home one weekend after being out in old neighborhood all weekend. I don't want to go into it but that's been rollercoastery for me.  Also had incident in new neighborhood (which is really old neighborhood, hee hee) where we were driving down our street and had to stop because a group of young men had gathered in the middle of the street to fight, and someone fired a gun, yes a gun.  I had to back up and turn around.  It was frightening. 

So I guess sometimes I eat for protection.  I eat for comfort. I also eat because certain foods trigger addictive eating behavior. 

I can find security without food.  I can find comfort without using food. I can also abstain from certain foods.  I never liked the abstinence deal.  It scared me.  But does it scare me more than constantly lugging around these extra twenty pounds, plus the other health risks? Does it scare me more than always being conflicted with myself over my eating, always being disappointed, angry and frustrated with myself?

More will be revealed.  Today I am sticking with a plan.

Non-Scale Benefits

While running upstairs yesterday I realized that I felt lighter on my feet.   I thought about how much easier it is to do everyday chores while carrying less weight. It made me want to carry even less body weight, and I wondered with excitement what it would be like.   I want to know how that feels more than I want to eat extra food.  I want to know how it feels, and if it is not that great, then I can always eat more and gain weight back.. But first I want to know how it feels.  I still have the discomfort of body fat in several areas. I don't expect to be free of all fat, but I do want to see what it is like to have less fat. 

And, today I want that more than I want snacks, sugar, starch, high volume helpings, and so on.

Hoping to keep this thought all day and in the evening, too!

Swimming has been wonderful for my body. 

Growing flowers, herbs, and other plants heals me.

Onions curb my appetite.

I stay full on less when I have beans in my meal.

More will be revealed...

Six Years of Blogging

It is hot, very, very hot. I still go out on the back patio in the morning, and then do yard work but it gets sweaty pretty fast. I love mornings outside, sipping my coffee or tea, and reading.  I swam today. My arm, knee and back are feeling better so I tested swimming.  I felt very good afterward.  I will go again tomorrow. Today I made a bean salad that I plan to live on until it runs out.  Nice and cold. My flowers and plants are doing well. I love having plants in the house.  For many years I did not have house plants.  I got out of the habit because cats disturbed them. But so far, no problems.  Hoping to push through some barriers and lose another pound.  I'd like to have a little chunk off by my birthday, August 6th.  Maybe 5 pounds.  I miss the blogging we were doing back in 2006 when I started this journey. Wow! six years ago.  In this house, I started my weight loss and here I am back, over forty pounds lighter.  That is amazing. I am grateful for everyone who shared my ups and downs all these years!

Progress

I hit a new low weight today. Not an all time low, but low for the past couple of years.  I maintained for a couple of weeks at the 9 pound loss, but now I am moving on.  I remember when I was losing the Big Weight, I would lose and then maintain the loss for a little bit, then lose more. That worked well for me. I adjusted to the new weight and then inched down.  It took a long time, but I kept the bulk of it off.  Now that I have lived around the same weight for a few years, I realize that I am still a bit overweight and need to take off the last of it.  I want to get to the normal BMI, now only 4 pounds away, and then go a bit lower.  I do not want to teeter on the edge all the time. Plus, my body is too heavy to carry around. I want to feel a new lightness, with more agility. 

I have planted flowers in my front beds. I have a functional home now with all major appliances.  The house needs work, but I can slow down and do it at a pace that allows me to rest, relax, enjoy and get re-connected.  I'm adjusting to daughter moving out.  We get together, she comes over, etc.  We had pedicures together Saturday.  But I get pangs of sadness afterward.  I am happy about her move. It is a very positive move, but I still have the sad pangs.  I find myself wanting to load her up with stuff she needs, and last night I saw her tire was low... and I wanted to make sure she took care of it.. etc.

Grandson and I have a better relationship now. We even took a walk together last night with the dog. He has the luxury of being the only kid at home now.  I signed him up for the summer at the local gym only two miles away. I am going to join also - it is very convenient and has the basics. I keep lean meat and healthy food stocked for his weight lifter diet regimen. He likes it just being the two of us in the house and we agreed that we do not want to add more people to the household right now.

I have to get back to work, but want to get back to a regular blogging now that the moving marathon is over.

I am so grateful for losing the weight and keeping it off. And excited about losing more.

More will be revealed.

Moved

We completed the moving out part, and I only have one residence now, but I am not nearly set up.  This project wore me out. I lost 5 pounds. Grandson is with me part time, Daughter is in her own apartment. The nest is empty and the nest moved. It is quite an adjustment. More will be revealed..