Monday, September 28, 2009

Interview Suits

Remember those suits I bought back in March for interviews? I bought a total of three and posted about two of them. This is one of the photos. I am so glad I went shopping and bought them back then. They were ready for my lunch interviews last week which sprung up quickly and unexpectedly, three entire outfits, shoes, bags, jewelry, all ready to go. Having them on hand made it so easy and stress free. They fit well, and I'd already worn them each once and gotten good reviews. I now have my third interview on Wednesday- this one is not a lunch date, it is a meeting on site with the two HR people. I have already lunched with the associate and the general counsel. For some reason the HR people make me a bit nervous but I am looking forward to going on site and seeing the place. The whole scenario intrigues me, in fact. So Wednesday will be the blue suit with those great shoes that I have been keeping in the box ready for such an occasion. They are still brand new. It felt good to put them on tonight.

This is such an interesting development really. I'd never heard of this company. It is tucked away a little west of me, sort of in the country. The location is great. Only twelve miles away and going against the commuter traffic. It's a profitable company in an industry that will be in demand indefinitely. They appear to pay well from what I have researched. I know when they lay people off they severance well because I read about their layoffs. Funny I would have never thought about that before when checking out a company, but it seems relevant now. I felt energized and positive after talking with each of the lawyers. Very comfortable. Especially with the boss. So I am kind of psyched to go there and find out more.

I have four more days left to work. I felt stressed over the weekend. I worked about eight hours and I felt like I should be working all the time. I felt like I was abandoning my co-workers and leaving an unfinished project. I felt guilty but I have a tendancy to do that to myself at times. I am somewhat over it tonight. I put in a huge effort on this. projoct and I can't help they gave me such an early date and did not ask me to stay longer until the last minute. If after the meeting on Wednesday I know I am not getting the new job, I may consider offering to stay, but only if it feels good to do so. Right now the idea of being off feels really good to me.

On another note, physical therapy is helping my back problems. It also helps me relax after work. I feel a sense of relief this evening that I have not had in a while. There is a seemingly endless amount of work to do but I don't have to do it all. The other people who have the same last day as me have been helping me come to terms with all of this. One told me that he, too, turned down an extension. He said his brain is turning to mush. Everyone is supportive really. It just seems to be happening so fast. But I feel like I am making peace with it all.
Anyway, I need to go to bed. Sleep makes me feel great when I wake up. I am very much a morning person these days. What a difference a good night's sleep can make.

More will be revealed.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Final Week

I have one week left on the job. I was offered an "extension" of 30 days because the grueling project is still not finished (nor will it be in 30 days) but I declined. I still get my severence package and can walk out the door a free woman. I think they were all shocked I said no. They may have taken it for granted I'd say yes and keep on giving and giving. If they'd asked a month ago when I told them the project would not be complete by Oct. 2nd and asked them to give me advance notice of an extension, I would have said yes. I may have even said yes at the beginning of last week. But yesterday, a week and a half left to go, I said no.

I'd gone back and forth in my head, thinking that the financial benefit of one more month's pay would be good. But that would be one month delay to my job search and I'd miss October - the month I'd looked forward to having off. I have also had two lunches with a prospective employer who has shown high interest in me and I gave him an availability date based on my Oct 2nd end date. I don't want to change it, and I don't want to jeoapardize getting an offer. They are supposed to set up a third meeting with the HR and upper management. I have already lunched with the VP and general counsel. He and I hit it off nicely. I was not looking for a job yet, but my boss recommended me to an attorney she knew and that prompted the lunching with lawyers.

So this last week will be intense, overtime and temps thrown at me, one more week of dedication and that's it. I need to remember that. One more week. When I turned down the request to stay longer, I said I'd do as much as possible in this upcoming week. I also suggested how they proceed without me, and have been transitioning my role. Last week I trained my other replacement. I'm tired and I want it to be over. It does not seem like it will ever end.

Anyway, I want to get back to blogging more soon. I want my dream of doing nothing for a while. But right now I just need to go to bed....

More will be revealed..

Monday, September 7, 2009


We had the opportunity to watch (photograph and even video tape) this baseball player warming up before the game about a week ago. Watching him stretch was inspiring. I have not been doing my floor routine in the morning and my body feels (and shows) it. It always makes me feel good to stretch and to have flexibility. Athletes are inspiring. The strength and the range of movement they achieve.. I never thought of baseball as anything but running and throwing, and hitting the ball with the bat. I've watched more of the sport this year than ever before in my life. I now see the ballet and acrobatics - the jumping, reaching, diving, sliding, twirling, leaping, running, twisting, and so on.. No wonder he's stretching.

Physical therapy involves a variety of stretches for me. Stretches I never thought of doing. I used to think stretching before a work out was a waste of time. I feel silly admitting that now. Anyway I have a new found respect for it.. and am starting a new routine inspired by watching this fine athelete!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Grasping for Normal

I can't believe how long its been since my last post. I became buried in a work project, too buried for a person who received her severance agreement last week. Getting up at 4 a.m. splitting my day and working in the evenings, thinking of little else. It was too much. Nothing felt good anymore. All I could think of was getting this project finished by my last day of work. Why? That's what I asked myself when the severance agreement came in the mail. Why am I knocking myself out on this poorly plan, poorly executed project for a company that has me training my replacement the week after next? People keep hinting they will ask me to stay longer since my boss does not want anyone else in the department to have to work on the Project but me. But she wants me out on October 2nd and the Project, Mission Impossible, will not be finished. I am sick of it. My hands hurt. I am tired. I want it to be over. And I want my Normal back. Not anyone else's normal, just mine.

I had this moment of truth on Wednesday. I just wanted my life back. And then Thursday afternoon one of my daughter's friends was killed in a car accident. On a bright, beautiful, sunny afternoon out in the country on the way to a park in a car with her best friend driving - 16 years old. Gone in an instant. It was and is devastating. Nothing seems like it will ever be the same. My daughter took it very very hard. I was and am at a loss of what to do. I just try and help her whatever way I can. I can't even really talk about it much. It is too fresh.

But back to moments of truth and grasping at normal, I have been so out of whack, with everything. My routine was upset by the altered work hours, my food, my exercise, all in the toilet. I skipped bike riding last weekend to clean house. My sleep was off. I was not really taking care of myself. It really hit me Wednesday and it was a relief. I just gave up. I am losing my job. I don't have to be a superstar and do the impossible so they can make sure they fire me on time. I don't have to stay longer even if they ask me to. And if I they do and I stay I can do it on my terms. I don't have to do a perfect job. I want to do a good job. But more than anything I want it to be over.

I took a bike ride this evening, finally. I also took the dog for a walk with grandson. Daughter has been spending time with friends today shopping for funeral clothes and grieving together. My brother is coming next weekend and I bought baseball tickets. I felt myself again as I rode my bike through the little riverfront town that I love.

I have not been too far from myself , but I have missed me. I need me back again.

Physical therapy is going great by the way, and in that area I AM taking care of myself, or at least letting someone else take care of me!!

More will be revealed.