Sunday, October 31, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010


The picture is not the Wow, read on..

Today I had a major awakening. Now I know nothing I say here has not been said before by me, but the way I feel about it is different. This morning I realized that at my age and activity level I do not NEED the amount of calories I take in each day. I also eat way too much sugar and do not NEED sugar at all. I have been eating for all the wrong reasons, boredom, tiredness, loneliness, anxiety and so on. Now I have always known this, but today it just all made perfect sense and I felt real peaceful about it. What makes sense now also is I do not NEED the food for the anxiety, boredom, tiredness, loneliness and so on, either. There are real solutions for those. Food is just an illusion, a quick fix, a crutch and it hurts more than it helps in the long run.

I know I have said this in many ways and felt it and believed it before yet I could not do anything about it. But today it became easy - like a light went on or something. I decided to cut the sugar entirely, and cut a majority of the unnecessary carbs and eat a very small "meal" every couple of hours or so and see how each food made me feel. I drank lots of water. I took time to marvel at the nourishment of the food and taste, and what it was going to do for my body. I also noted how I felt after I ate to see which foods were better for keeping me steady. I think this may be what they call mindful eating but I did not plan it that way.

I also wrote in my journal what I can do for all those emotions and feelings that used to trigger food "craving" and I know I have done THAT before, too. But today it made simple sense and felt easy. I wrote out what I was looking forward to doing at home tonight that had nothing to do with food and there was a nice list (included blogging) and then I wrote about what food I could look forward to enjoying if I needed to eat. There was no struggle today over food. No conflict. I ate what I planned to eat. I ate what made sense and I appreciated it. I took my dog walk, did my errands, etc., and now it is close to bedtime. I am satisfied and happy and have NO desire for food.

Wow, what is the deal? I am going to enjoy this. It's great! PS here is a picture that Grandson took of me and the dog after church yesterday. Its the only photo of me I have liked in over a year.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Add Yoga and Fall Colors

I have now added yoga to my routine. Fundamental beginner stuff. But it helps. My back feels better. I do it at work, too, in my office and it gives me energy. I have been meditating more and I feel calm. I do not get that tight feeling in my chest at work like I was having every day for a while. It is a big relief. I am still walking every day. I found a nice little park to take nature walks in on my lunch hour. It has enough hills for it to be a nice little burst of a workout. It has been breezy and a little cooler, my favorite kind of weather. I want to start keeping a food diary, all day, not just during the daytime hours. It's the evenings that get me. I now have regular exercise so all I need is less food, less carbs, more lean protein and I can't help but take off those nagging ten pounds, right? Must be a reason I hang onto them, but I am willing to let them go. Willing enough to give up whatever it is I get out of eating extra food.

Anyway, I am happy to be happy again. More will be revealed!!

Friday, October 8, 2010


I have risen out of the depression. I think it may have been the worst stretch I can recall. I feel so much lighter now. As if all burdens simply melted away like a long hard winter snow. I attribute much of the recovery to my regular walks, my positive meditations and readings and the training of my thoughts. I have been diverting the negative thoughts, replacing them with realistic but positive ones. It is becoming a natural response, a habit. I am also being careful who I spend time with, converse with, so that I have more positive people in my life to balance things out. I am just happy the joy is returning. I even feel good at work sometimes, maybe almost all the time this past week or so. I feel optimistic. I don't feel trapped or anxious over things that may happen. I don't feel burdened and overwhelmed. I feel like anything can happen. Good things. It's miraculous actually. I am excited about it. The finding of a church that I look forward to going to is also a major plus. I am going to take a class there and expand my spirituality. I don't feel closed off or like hiding out. I still have some cleanup from the days of lack. But nothing looms over me. I cleaned in my room last weekend and made it pleasant to enter. There are still areas to deal with but they do not dominate. It all feels manageable. I have been reading from three Emmet Fox books that I ordered one night off of Amazon. I have read his books for years because I favor his biblical interpretations and his positive message. The church I found also has a very positive message. I have changed my thoughts toward the good in my life and it grows. I am looking forward to life again. More will be revealed..

Friday, October 1, 2010

Still Walking, and Hiking

I am still walking and hiking and enjoying the fall weather. Still no significant weight loss, just losing and gaining back the same pounds but I have been feeling better mentally and even found a nice little church that I think I am going to like. I went there Sunday, and then I went Wednesday night for a meditation. I keep trying to do better with food but my deviations occur consistently at the end of the day. So perhaps I can go to bed earlier!!