Thursday, June 25, 2009


The talking scale has been playing happy music and cheering me this week. I took an nice walk with a nice guy on Tuesday. It was a hot evening but we were on a shaded trail so it worked out nicely. I took many photos. I had fun. Work has been stressful. I am taking tomorrow afternoon off. Saturday I am getting up at 3 a.m. to go on a little day trip with the nice guy. We will see the sunrise out in the country and he will fish for a bit and then we will explore some junk/antique shops. It is supposed to be very hot that day. I need tomorrow afternoon to prepare. I have wardrobe issue to address. I'd like to take a dip in a swimming area and want to have the right attire. Swimming attire is a delicate issue...
I need to take more breaks, have more fun and let more go. Daughter is still keeping the kitchen clean. It has been a week now of clean and empty sinks. It makes a huge difference for me.
I am also excited that next weekend is a three day weekend.
On carb deplete - I still get a mental impairment/mood impact from it. I have to do a modified version. Must be something about my chemical makeup. But whatever it is I have to watch out and be very careful..
More will be revealed.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Helen's progress on the carb deplete (a/k/a Crack Diet) has inspired me to do a little carb depleting of my own, and to find the book and re-educate myself. Today is my first day and I am feeling fine. I feel like I need to detox because I was having evening carbs last week and the scale was up and down. In spite myself I was at my lower weight today, keeping off my May loss. I want a loss for June and June is almost over but I think I will come out ahead. I have been feeling positive and motivated. I am walking more and eating better. Daughter had a small birthday party for a friend over the weekend and I was good (not perfect) about avoiding the goodies.

My weekend was busy but in a good way. I even finished my gardening projects. I added some trusty petunias for color. I tend to have good luck with them, and impatients. I like things that bloom all the time. My visit with my parents was nice, although a little short. I went by myself on Sunday morning and came back in the evening. My father is getting more and more impaired. I brought my laptop and showed him pictures on the big screen. He enjoyed that very much. I will be doing more of that. I also took the afternoon off today so I could go to the therapist (Hooray for the EAP and my 8 free visits!!) and take the kids to the dentist. I feel great that we are all getting taken care of.

My drive to see my folks was amazing because of the wildflowers blooming in the bright sunlight. I stopped numerous times and ran up and down the two lane highway in my flipflops taking pictures. They were spectacular. I enjoyed it so much and I had not expected such a treat.

I feel very upbeat and positive. Better than I have felt in months. I am going to enjoy every moment of it and build upon it.

Day one of my version of carb deplete almost finished...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Ahhhhhhhhhhh Friday

It seems like ages since I posted but it was only Sunday. My week of having lots of employees has finished. And what a week it has been, not just about work. I have felt better this week than I have in months. Sunday night I went to meet a man for a walk. I have been dabbling in my spare time on a free dating website. He was one of a few contacts I'd made although I was getting a bit turned off to him I decided to give him one last shot. We met on the riverfront and I kept thinking of my homeless brother. I always think of him because I know he stays around that park most days. I know he loves to go to the free concerts there and I could hear a band playing in the distance. It was a lovely evening to be there. The guy was a dud really and I kept picking up on little judgemental comments, not towards me but towards other stuff. I knew if I ran into my brother it would be awkward. It was already dull and he kept walking ahead of me and stuff. Miracle of Miracles his daughter called. He said she borrowed his car and he was worried so maybe that's why he seemed distant. I heard him talking to her and it was obvious there was trouble with the car. I strongly encouraged him to go help her. He did, I was elated when he left.

I went towards the bandstand thinking I'd see my brother. I did. He told me he had been talking to a woman who had seen him walking to work each day. She was a woman who refused to rent to him when he had plenty of money last year saved up from staying with me. She had been leery of him. She had a big change of heart. She had realized he was now homeless but still working and taking care of himself (I talked to her at length later) and she wanted to give him a chance. She had approached him about needing a place because she has several inexpensive units. She was prorating the rent and he had the rent money but was short on the deposit. She was encouraging him to get some assistance from local churches. I called her right there from my cell phone. I chipped in the rest and wrote a check for him to give her. My other brother and sister are chipping in, too. The place is a small one room efficiency with a small bathroom/shower. One price for utilities and rent. It is perfect and in the perfect location. It could not be more perfect. He makes enough for the rent. He just needs a little help getting started.

He moved in the next day. He basically had nothing but a change of clothes, a supply of underwear and sox and the travel bag of toiletries he carried with him. But we were overjoyed with the little room - furnished with all he needs. He'd been sleeping on a bench a church let him use which was under a roof and out of the rain. And he'd been getting a hotel room once a week. I called the church the next day to thank them for being kind to him and asked if they knew of any charities to help get household supplies like a broom, a few dishes, cleaning supplies, etc. Not much, just necessities. The new landlady had given him bedding. I gave him a few things, too. The church called me back and they said people are bringing things Sunday and I can pick them up Monday. I also found a place to get free clothes tomorrow. I am being careful not to run out and buy stuff. I have to be frugal myself and remember that I am losing my job in the not so distant future. So his needs are being met and I am not taking responsibility for him.

I stopped by today to drop off a few items he had at my house. The landlady had brought a wonderful supply of bagels, bakery goods and bread from a bakery. Yummy things. And he'd been to a food pantry and had some other food. It was so good to see him cozy in his room, out of the harsh heat. So wonderful I have been happy all week about this. A great weight has lifted. He says he is glad to be back "in the system" and we were so tickled to see he had a mailbox with his name on it. The things we take for granted are such joys to those who have done without. I e-mailed his address to my Mom and other brother and he'd already gotten a card and a letter from them.

I can stop by and see him now sometimes on evenings when I am on my way home from work. He is in the area he loves. He is working and he is dedicated to paying his rent on time. We are going to help him work things out. I can't describe how happy this makes me.

And on top of that joyous event, I think I may have found a walking buddy. One of my other suitors from the dating site turned out to be pleasant and more in tune with me. We met for an evening walk Tuesday and walked for an hour and a half, then had lattes at a coffee house. It was nice. I could talk to him about anything, my sons in prison, my homeless brother, my interesting past. He even offered to take me to a thrift store to shop for brother. We are meeting next Tuesday for another walk at a different spot. I think it's nice. I will continue to meet others if I feel a possible connection. I am learning how to date. For some reason my photos and profile have attracted a steady stream of mail.

I'd love to tell stories of the job but that will have to wait. All I can say is I worked really hard all week, mentally and physically and it feels good. I am reminded of Rosa Parks who said after walking instead of taking the bus (in protest of discrimination) that her feet were tired but her soul was rested. Well, my entire body is tired, but my soul is rested. In fact my heart is singing!

Oh one more miracle -- when I was leaving for work this morning my teenage daughter was scrubbing pots and pans in an apron and rubber gloves. It was not a hallucination. I came home to a sparkling kitchen, my life long dream has been realized... I am the luckiest woman on the planet

More will be revealed....

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Going with the Flow

I learned a lesson in going with the flow last week when management wanted to increase the temps on my project from 2 to 11 overnight. I resisted because I was trying to organize the information files and documents they were preparing for scanning so that we'd have it group in a logical order, and so that I'd be able to make the analysis and determination of whether or not it needed to be kept prior to having it prepared for scanning. It made sense to me. I wanted to work at a reasonable pace making sure I could devote some time to my other responsibilities. But I got the additional 9 people and was told to go ahead and let them prep everything even if it was likely it was going to be destroyed. So they'd basically be prepping trash. It did not make sense to me but I had to accept it and work with it.

The 11 people are at the end of the project, I am the last stop. When I have no more work they will be out of jobs. They don't have severance pay. They just have to hope to be moved on to another assignment. So I have 11 people coming to me all day asking questions on documents because I have been training them to some extent on what they can throw away instead of prepping everything. Meanwhile I am going through files and boxes looking for things to purge before they get to it. It's pretty chaotic but there is some order to it. I am making the most of it. I had to accept it and see it another way because that's the only way I can work with a good attitude. I am trying to have fun with it, not worry about it, appreciate the overtime and experience and move on. I was having trouble sleeping and feeling very stressed. It is still stressful but it will pass, and it does not have to be as stressful as I make it when I fight it and think it has to be my way.

I did some work in the landscaped area in front of my condo yesterday. I planted some flowers in planters and set them out and I trimmed bushes. I had a nice chat with my next door neighbor in the process, and he gave me some potting soil. I also worked in the back which has been getting a little overwhelming. Everything is so wet from the high volume of rain we have had. There are leftover leaves on the patio that are turning to sludge and then there are these prickly balls that fall from my big tree. I have been working in small sections, cleaning up. I also planted most of my yearly border of impatients. It does not look as organized and manicured as years past but this is a different kind of year. I still enjoy it and I will eventually get the patio clean. I still enjoy it and I need to make it a point to go and sit out there more.

Being so preoccupied with work I have not been doing the mental (and physical) activities that keep me in a positive state of mind. And I need those things now more than ever. So I am making it a priority to do those things. I have not been to the gym now in months. I have been exercising but not the cardio workouts I get at the gym. I want to make it a priority to get there at least two times this week and take my daughter and grandson, too. Grandson gets plenty of exercise with the things he does for recreation. Daughter has taken a couple of walks with the dog, but other than that nothing much since school let out. We all need it for a better state of mind.

So here I am blogging early in the morning because it is important to me. I want to do the things I enjoy and the things that keep me grounded even though there is a major change going on in my life that is very distracting. I don't want to fall to other methods like eating stuff to relax or cope. I need my healthy attitude and peace of mind now more than ever.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ups and Downs

I have been sort of consumed with my job. I worked 16 hours of overtime in a one week period. You'd think I'd lose weight but I did not. I ate weird because I had less time to prepared. I am not too worried about it but I am being more careful. It has been stressful. I am supervising a project and under constant pressure to accomplish more and more. They keep sending me more people to put on the project and I have to train and supervise them all. Tomorrow they are sending me nine. I hit a point today where I just surrendered to it all and my attitude got better. I am finding the humor in it again and trying to stay positive.

I don't know when I will get my notice. Could be later could be sooner. It's all uncertain. So my concept of staying in today needs to be dusted off and applied. I have a hefty paycheck, enough extra to pay off my balance on my credit card. I am looking again at the bright side. I also found out that my favorite therapist is a provider in our employee assistance program and I can see her 8 times for free, yes FREE. I got Grandson in therapy now, and now me. Daughter said she'd go to some sessions with a therapist, too .. since it's free we thought we'd get it while we can.

I was having trouble sleeping for a solid week or so. But the past couple of nights have been good. I just want to get good sleep, eat right and try and keep up with some exercise. And above all else - stop stressing out and enjoy each day the best I can.

That's my quickie update. More soon..

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tally for May

I lost four pounds in May so I am out of my slump and losing my winter gain. I feel better already. My pants were loose and comfortable yesterday where they had been snug before. Sunday my daughter and I went shopping for summer dresses. I bought three dresses and a skirt. Long dresses are everywhere this year - the Maxi as they call it. I bought one but while it covers the legs it exposes the arms, back and shoulders. I am not that confident about those body areas yet but may feel ok about exposing them soon. I am not sure where I'd where the dress but it was very pretty and flattering in it's shape and style to my figure. I may return it or put it up here for a vote if I have time. I'm wearing my skirt today, it's a long, ruffle style. I like it very much. Feel like I should be out salsa dancing.

Have to make this quick. I am working overtime again this week. Another intense ASAP project. But the extra money will be great - to pay for the clothes I bought over the weekend.

More will be revealed...