Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

I am in my comfy chair with toasted pumpkin seeds. The kids are out and I stayed home with jackolanterns lit and my porch light on. I have had a few small trick or treaters. The candy is not very tempting. The pumpkin seeds are good. I picked them out of the pumpkin gook and roasted them in the oven. Had not done it in years. I was sick this week. Last night was the worst and today I had to call in sick at work. It worked out nice though because after sleeping for 12 hours I felt good enough to do the grocery shopping, plus I was home after school to carve pumpkins with the kids. I still do not feel very good but better.

I was invited out tonight but staying home with the dog and handing out candy sounded good to me. Maybe a scary old movie and an early bed time. Last year I started November with gratitude and I am doing the same this year. I have much to be grateful for. For one, these pumpkin seeds are more inviting to me than the candy bowl at the moment! I am starting to feel really tired. So I am going to hit the couch..

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Abs and other thoughts

I adopted a new ab exercise a while back. I saw them doing it in a class at the gym. It made me sore and was much more challenging than what I'd been doing. That and my push ups have made a big difference. I can feel the firmness in my obliques. My abs are a slow steady work in progress but I feel the difference. I had been doing the bicycle alternating sides with each rep, but the new way does the same side over and over and then the same side elbow to leg over and over, then you switch sides. Way harder. I think it is important to change things periodically. I still have some pooch and some fat but far less and I see a waistline. Going past the giant mirror closet doors without my clothes on is getting easier and easier. Not always, but most of the time, I feel ok if not good about my body. It has come a long way.

I like that it has been gradual. Gradual seems permanent. New normal, not passing fad. My quickie lunch gym workouts are the new normal, too. Not every day but at least two or three a week. And the file room workouts are normal now, too. I feel like I am being true to myself. I know I go a bit wild and have some indulgences from time to time, but even when I do that I am taking responsibility for the outcome. It is not world war three with myself, just a temporary indulgence.

It is good to be home. I worked from home this afternoon. I still have a contract to finish this evening but I will get it finished. It is long and dull but it pays the rent. I will get some overtime pay on my check this week and that will help with the budget. I am taking things easy and staying in today with life. It feels good. Last night I had to light the pilot on the furnace. I have always been scared of gas appliances, and confused by the mechanics of stuff. But the landlord fell asleep and forgot to stop by, so I decided to do it. I had read the diagram and instructions but could not see the pilot. I called my buddy Joe and he made some suggestions and said he'd come if I couldn't do it. But I got of the phone and did it. It felt really good. I am going to use the fireplace this year, too. Looking forward to it. My home is cozy for the winter.

The Weed called my house several times in a row while I was gone. I had changed my cell phone because of him. I decided I would call him and tell him not to call the house anymore rather than my daughter or the house sitter having to contend with him. I called from the hotel and let him know he was not to use the home phone number and I wanted no contact with him. He said he'd respect that. He said he wanted me to forgive him for the bad text messages. I said I had already forgiven him but wanted nothing to do with him because I did not live like that, with name calling and such. Those things are not a part of my life today. So that was that. No more calls. It was easy.

I feel like settling in for a long winter's nap.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Epic Moment

I had a moment yesterday that amazed me. I was at a baby shower and they played this game - baby shower games get more bizarre all the time. We had to determine what kind of candy bar was melted and mushed into baby diapers. I won. The stumper was the kit kat bar. I knew it immediately. I'd consumed an entire bag of mini kit kats shortly before my trip last week. When I raised my hand as knowing the kit kat they were all surprised. I said it was easy because I had eaten an entire bag recently. They all looked surprised - probably not because I ate them but because I admitted I ate them. And then a lady behind me said "and look how little she is" - - that blew me away. I have never been referred to as little, I don't consider myself little. But the fact that I joyously admitted to eating an entire bag of kit kats, in public, around women I don't even know, coupled with someone referring to me as little is kind of a surreal experience for me. Who am I now? A small, brazen, kit kat eating person?

I don't know. But it felt nice to be ok with myself enough to admit to my eating the bag of candy. I said it was the Halloween candy and the lady next to me said I could just turn my porch light off. It was great. Eating a bag of candy in the past would be a crisis and a self loathing moment. I am not advocating eating large amounts of candy. What this is about is that I got over it. I am not happy to eat all that junk, but if it happens I am still ok with myself. I ate better the rest of the week. My trip week involved about a two pound gain which may be more attributed to pre trip stress eating (a.k.a. kit kats) and a little of the trip itself. I did push ups and abs in my room each morning and opted for healthy choices of foods. I had a good trip but I am very very happy to be home.

Had to share my surreal moment, even at the risk of blogging at work. I don't like to talk to much about eating the bad stuff, but it's the relationship with myself that has improved so much. I don't do those kinds of things often anymore. And I am not happy about doing it, but I can move on, and be more neutral with myself. Treat myself like a would a friend or any other person. Non judging, and supportive. And sometimes we just need to laugh at ourselves. I won a very pretty votive candle holder for being such an expert on the kit kat.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Miss Blogging!!

I am going through withdrawal for blogging. I have been very busy and I am leaving for Ohio this afternoon for our annual legal conference in Ohio. I am paranoid that the IT police will be reading my blog if I go on it at work.... But I wanted to post quickly. I miss the blog community and when I get back I will be more caught up around the house and ready to relax (I hope) and get back into a routine of blogging at night or in the morning. No weight gain, and no weight loss, just hanging around the same size and number for a while before I lose more. Still trying to keep my good carbs, reduce my junky ones, and follow a program....

I am happy at my size but I believe I will be going down in weight soon. I have adjusted to this weight range and that is what happens before I lose more. I hang around a weight, stabilize, and then move on. Sometimes I wish I could lose it all fast and keep it off but that just is not my pattern of success. I lose, adjust, then lose more. I have been working out regularly (nothing extreme) and mixing things up to keep it interesting. I like my pushups and ab challenges. I still have not gotten the stability ball workout going but I will. I had a great workout cleaning my carpet this weekend and scrubbing my bathroom, etc. I was actually sore. I like to feel sore after my workouts because I know I used muscles that I may not be using regularly.

I gotta go, and get some work finished. The trips make me nervous, leaving the kids - I have a friend staying with them this time and not my delusional brother so that's way better, right? Ok enough of that.

More will be revealed!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I Love October

What beautiful weather!!!!! We are not supposed to use the Internet at work anymore for personal use so I have cut back on my computer time. It's been over a week since my last post. My weight is stable in the new lower range. I am feeling great. I took off Friday and enjoyed the weather. My daughter and I went shopping at this big trendy second hand store in the afternoon. It was fun trying things on. I was in the market for jeans since my favorites from last winter are loose. Besides they remind me of my ex boyfriend, getting ready for my dates with him, and the things I wore. Funny how my winter things made me think of him. But I have fond memories of those clothes regardless.

So, I tried on jeans and found two snug fitting ones. I loved the one pair but they were pricey. They were called Sacred. Must be some brand teenagers wear but to me they looked like Hippie jeans. I came back the next day and got them to take ten dollars off the price. Now that makes them even more "sacred"... I really love them. I will have to photo them. They are a bit tight but that's good because I am sure I will be dropping an inch or so to make them fit just right. For now they are quite wearable. I love jeans.

I also found boots. Last year I was on a seemingly endless quest for boots and never bought any. I was shopping for new ones and never found any I liked. At the groovy second hand store I found two - high ones for wearing with skirts, and low/western style ones. Black. Love them, too. So that was my fun shopping excursion. I had quality time with daughter, too. Thursday night we went out to dinner and to a late movie since we were both off the next day. We had a real nice night out together. Grandson was at his mother's house so it was just the two of us.

I have been feeling very comfortable in my body. I got out my bike this morning. I have lost 15 or 20 pounds since I was riding it last year I think. I don't recall riding it this past spring but perhaps I did. Anyway the hills were much easier and it was a great way to start the day. This weather is delicious. Sunny with big puffy white clouds, cool breezes, crisp evenings, and brilliant sunsets. I can't get enough!!!!!

I also did a positive thinking "boot camp" of my own last week. For three days straight I worked in a work book by Louise Hay, it is the companion book to her You Can Heal Your Life book. It is all about changing my thoughts and accepting and loving myself. The key to kind every of healing apparently, according to Hay. Well, anyway I kept writing out the affirmations on little slips of paper and carrying them in my pockets, and when I did not have pockets, in my bra. I was dedicated. I'd get them out in the restroom at work and read them. This may sound funny but I was determined to get my head in the positive mode. I also read them at my desk, recited them in my car, and anywhere.

By Wednesday I was and still am it the best state of mind I have been in for a very very very long time. Amazing is all I can say. So I still read them, write them, and look at them, think them and so on.

Right now I am reclined on my back patio by my inpatients of every color just breathing in the evening. It is still light out and I am going to eat my salad and read.

More will be revealed!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The New Normal

Vickie's comment reminded me of how things become the "new normal" after a while of practicing new principles in eating and exercise. Helen referred to it before also about her Drastic becoming the Normal. I was thinking of what new principles or habits are becoming my new normal.

Increased focus on the amount of protein and carbohydrates in my food choices is part of the new normal. I am reaching for more protein and less simple carbohydrates in my diet today. I am also varying the high carb low carb days in the cycle 2 part of the program I am trying to use. I say trying because this week I was far less than perfect. I was perfect the first week, though.
Also, in exercise I am making sure I exercise on the low carb days, and use bursts of intensity and new challenges. I am looking for new stuff to do to keep things interesting and to use muscles that I don't ordinarily use.

Variety seems the broad theme even though it is not necessarily what I set out to do. The scale was up a smidgen today but I still feel smaller in the waist. I knew it would be up but I am still lower than I was, and I am very satisfied with my results, especially after being so imperfect.

Today is Homecoming and I have a nervous newly 15 year old getting ready. She had those spots break out on her leg and is trying to cover the remains with cover stick and go bare legged - panty hose apparently are for old ladies like me!! I am being there for what she needs but also steering clear. I am driver, errand runner but I have to keep my mouth shut because I am too old to know anything. I thought she should carry a small purse for make up and phone but that is apparently not I hope she does not lose anything. She reminds me that she can handle her self, and I am very grateful for that, and grateful that she is confident in her ability to deal with her own decisions.

So I am off to clean house and be available for the homecoming driving and money handing out and whatever else my role turns out to be. The dining out plans have moved from after to before and may move again before the day is out so I am staying flexible. The last thing she needs is a rigid mother yapping at her while she tries to negotiate this rite of passage into high school social life. I never did this stuff in high school so I really don't know much about it anyway. I was a hippie...

More will be revealed!!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

TGIF !!!!!!!!

I love Friday. Tomorrow I will officially weigh in. I just hope I am at or close to where I was last week. That was a fast loss and I know a little came back this week but I'd like to be close. I am having a nice peaceful mood. I like my lower carb days better. I am looking up new exercises to challenge my body and keep a variety. The push ups and other exercises I do in the file room seem to make a big difference. I am looking at things to do with my stability ball and core strength improvement.

Other than that I am enjoying healthy food and cool crisp autumn weather!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Busy Week

Past couple of days have been very busy. Unexpected trip to doctor with daughter plus the birthday stuff had me off work all day yesterday instead of just leaving early. I had to take a step back and stop obsessing about my weight. I felt I was getting too hung up on it. I have noticed that my stomach feels smaller and leaner and I like that feeling. I am paying attention to my body and still doing an eating program/plan and exercising but putting back into my relaxed perspective. That my not make sense but I go overboard with my weight loss stuff to where it becomes more of a compulsion than a program for good health.

Anyway since I had my carb up I noticed how my moods fluctuated and how my body reacted. I am not sure if the moods were related because other things factor into moods. Next high carb day I am going to stick with the lower glycemic stuff. I don't have much time to post today because I am trying to make up for lost time yesterday at work. I feel very relaxed today and not hungry at all. My temptation is to skip meals but I am going to make sure I eat every four hours like I am supposed to. Steady blood sugar levels are important.

Still incorporating principles into my permanent eating program. That's what I feel like I do every time I do a new program. I take new principles and add them into my way of eating. I don't do any one program forever - I use it to learn and adjust my eating.