Saturday, August 14, 2010


I am glad I did not delete my blog. I came up with a nice dream to satisfy my desire to escape. My new exit plan is to move to Belize. A nice little tropical country. It makes me feel good to dream of it. I need to start thinking of dreams without limitations so that I can get to know my own wants and needs. I have spent most of my life thinking of the wants and needs of others. That's not a bad quality but I have to balance it with taking care of myself and all that good stuff. Speaking of which I have eaten less today. I have slept more. This week my food volume was too high but my food choices were good. I felt better about my job, too.

I went to my Al anon group this morning and then had coffee with a friend. Sitting and talking with someone who understands is so, so helpful. She and her husband have much in common with me. I need to hear how other people deal with things. I know I am not alone. They, too, experienced a death in their family recently. It was very unexpected, a nephew in his forties. Then my other close friend's son in law died very suddenly in an accident just a couple of weeks ago. When I talk to about what they are going through it gives me perspective and allows me to exchange kindness and support.

I am thankful for the nice comments and support that I get on here. When I thought of deleting my blog the first thought was that I couldn't do that especially because I know that Vickie checks in on me regularly. After all these years I would feel like I was walking out on good friends even though we don't see each other in person.

I am going to help my Mom get ready to move. She is moving next weekend. I am going to see her new place now that the rehabbing is finished. I am going to help her shop for some furniture solutions and also figure out what she is not taking with her. It is a bit overwhelming to go there, but this weekend and next will most likely be the last time I see the property which they have owned for 25 years. I want to take some photographs of the place and some of my Dad's stuff, like his workshop. I have a mixture of emotions about it all.

I promise to be kind to myself. After I wrote my post the other night I was able to get up and do some things that made me feel better. It helped to be honest instead of hide out.

More will be revealed.


Vickie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cindy said...

I am glad to see you've kept the blog...

I worry that I don't think about others ENOUGH. I quit volunteering - it was too time consuming. I spend half my free time focusing on myself (tennis, volleyball, etc). Half my weekend is with the kids, the other half my boyfriend leave home to get out and spend time with each other. My kids did not like this in the beginning (heck, my ex husband used to give me crap about sports), but they adjusted. And I am happier now, I have ME time which means I'm less stressed around the kids. Everyone has learned that we all need "ME" time. It's not selfish, it just IS.

Helen said...

OMG, I am SO GLAD you didn't delete your blog (or Facebook). When I just read that post, I was happy there was another one! :-)

I do hope you are seeing a therapist...I wonder if you need some meds as well? Your post the other day still worries me. Please take care of you!

I saw that article about retiring in Belize on Yahoo the other that what got you to thinking about it? I mentioned it to DB because it sounds AMAZING. Of course, we probably could never move that far away with the girls and their families here, but it's nice to dream (my other dream retirement place is Lake Tahoe -- I'm even on a real estate mailing list so see all houses that go on the market there!).

Dream big, take care of you and, for God's sake, don't disappear from us!!!!

Laura N said...

We are in the same place Cindy. Emotionally and physically. It's so hard. I want to disappear too but I'm thankful for blogger friends ESP. Vicky for pulling me back.

So glad you're still here in blogland.

My dream is to move to St John. Even our dreams are similar!