Confession

I ate at least three servings of triscuit thin crisps tonight and I don't know how many Hershey peppermint kisses. I have to be honest and accountable. This is not good. I am trying so hard to keep my spirits up and my stress level down about that rental property fiasco. Last night I went and looked at it. Stuff all over the place. Trash, bags of it in the shed. Debris and personal items strewn about. The carpet looks awful. Walls with smudges, filthy toilets, and so on. I want to be an optimist and just let it roll off. I can do that most of the time but I have moments where I think I just cannot do this. I have to pay their unpaid trash bill or the trash company will never allow trash pickup there again. There's some really weird trash monopoly situation in that county. I have to pay their unpaid sewer bills. This adds to already a couple of hundred dollars. I don't want to dwell on it. I am going to stop talking about it. My point here is that I keep making all this effort to be upbeat about it but I came home and hit the crackers and kisses. Like the underlying stress jumped out and grabbed for the food. I am responsible for this eating episode and I have to be extra vigilant during this potentially stressful time.

I have been very cheerful and happy around the house with the kids, and I have been chipping away steadily at that laundry pile and other little areas of clutter. I have energy and I even find myself liking my job. I have a deep appreciation for my job today. I have a deep appreciation for my life today. Being alive. I have been reading about Elizabeth Edward's passing and thinking to myself, what if this was my last day and I spent it obsessing over that rental property situation? I have no time to waste. I only need to think about it when I am doing a task that relates to it. When the task is finished, I can move on. I can do my tasks with joy. The joy of being alive and able to do these things. I appreciate the fact that I was able to move out here in spite of still owning that house in the old neighborhood and put the kids in a better school and living situation. It is worth the whole rental stuff, and I am going to keep on with it as long as necessary. I can emotionally detach and treat is like a business. Think of the workout I will get cleaning up the place on Saturday. I can't pay my next year's gym fee due to this financial interruption so I will have to find other ways to work out.

More will be revealed.

Okay time for sleep. The eating episode is over. I forgive myself and move on.