Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Return of Energy

I had energy today and I was in a mysteriously good mood all day. Mysterious because last night I had a mini-meltdown when I came home and went into the depths for some of the evening. I came home in a rush and wanted to make a nice dinner but the kitchen counters and dining room table were covered with a smear of stuff. Plus, dirty dishes in the sink really get to me and we did not do them the night before, because I had worked until 7 and had a 7:30 pm conference call. Working with people across the planet sometimes calls for odd hours. So Monday night there was no time for housekeeping.

Anyway, back to the meltdown, I had grocery shopped on the way home and arrived with a large load of stuff. I find grocery shopping strenuous but I was in a good mood because I had things I thought the kids would really enjoy. Daughter helped with all the unpacking and I started prepping for dinner (with my coat still on.... bad idea) in a bit of a rush. I kept running into roadblocks, no room on the counter, dishes not clean, etc. In fact, there was not a clean spot to lay out a meal. Instead of taking a deep breath, changing clothes and enlisting kids to help prior to getting the food ready I got all bent out of shape. Daughter was snippy, too and that only added fuel to my fire. I gave them their food and left vowing not to return unless the house was clean ... stating I would check into a hotel if I had to (wouldn't' that be fantasy land that is) but I did not really mean it.

I took myself to a cafe and had a very healthy salad. I sat and thought about what a lousy human being I was, not keeping a clean house, not being nice to the kids, losing my temper and so on. I rested. I felt guilty. I texted an apology. I got apologies by text. Eventually, after I was sedated by a nice hot herbal tea, I came home. I did not deal with the mess. I decided to go to bed and rest because I knew if I just ended the day I would feel right again in the morning. If I can do that on nights where I feel stressed it is always better in the morning. I call it sleeping off the day. Some days you just have to sleep it all off.

Maybe I rested well. Who knows. I was two pounds lighter this morning and in a much better frame of mind. I felt happy at work, had a bounce in my step, and tonight I cleaned what was left in the kitchen after daughter did her part. I put a silly party hat on my head that was sitting in the garage before entered the house. I wanted to keep things light no matter what. Daughter had gone out to dinner with a friend. Grandson had an easy meal and I made myself a stir fry of shrimp and broccoli. A far better evening already.

I don't know what the point of all this is really except that no matter how lousy I feel one day I know that if I just stick it out, and, if possible, go to bed early to put it to rest, I will feel better. None of the doom and gloom, angry, stressed, frustrated moods last forever. I refused to overeat last night. I was on thin ice and that would have made it much worse. So I enjoyed the benefit today of feeling lighter and rested.

Sleep and abstinence, what great combination!

One more thing, I have been enjoying herbal teas at work. They satisfy me in between meals. I keep an assortment in my desk. I'd like to make tea in the evening to stave off that evening eating but often do not think of it. I think I will buy some new kinds that I can look forward to. Fruity ones perhaps.

More will be revealed..


Helen said...

Cindy...I just love your spirit...I read you and I KNOW you. Someday I so wish we can actually sit down together... :-)

Vickie said...
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