Tuesday, June 15, 2010

two days

My first two days are good but not perfect eating. I have not exercised. I am exhausted. I want my positive self back. This is a week of mourning of sorts. Mourning things that are lost and appear lost at the moment. Things I can't change. The past. Maybe it is necessary but I want it to pass. I still dread picking my brother up tomorrow night. I don't know why. I feel full of dread. I am afraid to be this honest but hope that if I am these feelings will go away. They are just feelings. There is nothing terrifying about picking people up at the airport - I have done it with joy many times in the past. These are feelings and I want to let them go. I want to release the anxiety I feel about nearly every part of my life tonight. It has to pass. I don't understand it, I don't want to understand it. I just want it to go away.

I want my sense of humor back, too!!


Helen said...

This kind of self-talk is REALLY GOOD, Cindy. I'm sorry you're having a yucky week...it's to be expected. Dredging up more grief and more family angst coming to visit sucks. But you are SO RIGHT. It's nothing to be afraid of...it won't kill you...you will get through the weekend and then you can start to get your life back in better balance. I'm cheering for you!

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Vickie said...
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