Friday, December 12, 2008

Sick of being Sick

My daughter is well but I have been dragged down with the sickness for a couple of weeks now. It is like a biochemical attack. It makes you feel like you are getting well and them it whams you with the second session, the sinus attack. But I keep reminding myself that daughter got well and so will I. As for weight I am just happy to maintain my 50 pound loss through the sickness, the lack of work outs, and so on. I don't know when I have gone this long without blogging, though and I can't stand it any longer. Just wanted to get on for a quick post so I can feel connected.

I am not out of control with food, but I am not following any kind of program. I am trained to avoid certain foods but when I am sick, sometimes I gravitate to soothing foods. Overall, my appetite is not that big right now. I am just trying to get through the sickness, ignoring pile ups of house work, being there for the kids who both have make up work out the wazoo from being absent when they were sick. We are taking care of the major stuff, and letting other things go right now.

We had an incident right after Thanksgiving involving Grandson. I woke up in the middle of the night and found him gone. It was the Sunday night after Thanksgiving. It was almost 3 a.m. and he was nowhere to be found. My daughter found a note he had written on his notepad on the computer screen. It was a very well written thoughtful note telling us that he needed to deal with the loss he suffered when his other Grandmother died. He said he was going for a walk, and that he might walk to their old house (some 20 -30 miles away!!). It was cold, the middle of the night and I was freaked out. From what we could tell he had left around midnight so he'd already been gone almost 3 hours.

My instincts told me to get in the car and take the route he had map quested before he left. But I had called 911 and they were pressing me to stay. I fought my instincts for an hour while a slow to arrive but nice police officer picked through my grandson's belongings finding nothing indicating any foul play. He finally, after reading the note, agreed that it was clear what my grandson was doing, but still told me I should stay home. After he left, when we were getting ready to go, he called me crying from a gas station. He had walked two highways, crossed a major bridge over a very deep and wide river, and gone a long way.

He thought I would be mad. I was only scared. Scared I'd never see him again. Scared something awful could happen to him or he could make a snap decision in the throws of grieving depression. But he was safe, cold and sad, but safe. We picked him up and took him to the old house. We sat outside in the car for as long as he wanted. We went to a drive through and got warm breakfast food. Everyone ate, and then we went home and everyone slept. We did not worry about school, or work or anything. All that mattered was that everyone was safe. I told him if he ever wanted to leave in the night to wake me up. I would gladly get up and take him for a drive. I told him what mattered to me was that he was safe. And that he could find ways to deal with grief that would be safe.

Anyway, I had after shocks from that. It's been a long couple of weeks with being sick and trying to work and so on. Our company is restructuring and jobs are being shifted, lost, and so on. Nothing is certain. But I am content to go home to my warm safe place with the kids safe and warm and fed each night and just be there with them and for them. Making sure they know that we will get through anything that happens. And that they are the most important priority in my life.

Anyway this is a long post for a short up date. I am full of untold stories. Maybe this weekend I can catch up with everyone!


Helen said...

Glad to see you back -- I've missed you!!

Vickie said...
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LG said...

I'm glad you're back too. What a story about your grandson. I can only imagine how scared you both must have been. I'm glad he called and ended up safe. I hope your daughter gets well soon.

Laura N said...

Cindy, I hope you are feeling better now. I know how tough it is when the routine is upset & you and the kids are sick. It sucks! And it's nearly impossible to do healthy things for yourself.

So scary about the grandson. I'm glad the Police gave you that advice & you were home when he called. Thank God it all worked out.

Laura N said...

Cindy I hope you are doing OK. Miss you! Merry Christmas to you and your family. xoxo

Vickie said...
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