Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Cooling my Thoughts

I am doing better, but frustrated with the scale. I still weigh every day to keep myself out of denial but it frustrates me to see no results. It takes longer to compensate for bad choices and balance things out. And, I have not changed my habits enough. I am having body image issues and distorted thinking. But, I did go to the gym last night in spite of not wanting to go. I am not eating the nuts anymore.
It is horribly hot, so this picture from an April snow - snow covered tree blossoms makes me feel cool. That was a lovely morning, sun shining on the snow making it sparkle, and the cool clear air and bright blue sky. I'd like to go back there right now and sit. I need to be patient, but firm with myself. I have to make better choices and keep trying even though my body fat feels like an immovable force. I have to stop giving it so much power!! I need to cool it with the thinking and relax, take a deep breath. A deep, cool breath.

1 comment:

Laura N said...

I would love a good snow fall right now. This summer has been brutal. Gorgeous pic.

I wrote my previous comment to your earlier post, before reading this post. You were already on the same train of thought as what I commented.

I can identify with this SO MUCH. I want my fat GONE. It is not me. The ME I AM is yet to be revealed. And I am not a patient person, either. I think you & I are a lot alike.

I believe that the size I was at mid/upper 140s isn't who I will end up being this go round. I was still very fat on the bottom half of my body. It didn't feel right, even though I was thin by many standards. I think I can get past that hump this time, and get the extra fat all the way off. (Maybe it's just reading about how well Vickie has done & she is rubbing off on me, and I have hope because it IS possible. I'll take it, wherever it comes from!).

But it will take YEARS before I get there. I am trying to enjoy each phase of change this time. Maybe enjoy is the wrong word. EMBRACE. Embrace the change, and acknowledge that as long as I am moving forward, that I will get there eventually.

Learning patience and humility is as important a part of my journey this time, as is losing the weight.

(by the way, I detest the word "journey" when it comes to weight loss...I cringe every time I hear that word on The Biggest Loser. But I don't know another word that fits better, so I had to use it here. :)

I am very, very glad you are doing better & it is so good to see you posting regularly!!