Water Therapy

I have not been able to take a trip to the waterfalls for a couple of weeks. I was going through water withdrawal, so I decided to pay for a year at a certain club where I have a lifetime membership. My dues are very reasonable. I can now use the pool and steam room on my way home from work. It is wonderful. It is a full service gym, but I like my other gym better for cardio and weights. I love having the pool and steam room. I have been twice this week already.

My back was hurting last week from sitting at the computer and being tense. I felt that swimming would loosen it up after a long day at work, and it does. I am so happy I did this for myself. I love to have variety in my exercise routine. I do hope to go back to the falls again a few times before the season is over. There is nothing like the falls. The pool/steam room therapy will work for now.

Oops

Two weeks went by fast. I had a nice little waterfall session the night before my birthday and then on birthday morning. But I got depressed later that day, finding myself alone at home with nothing to do. It was weird. I had changed plans and come home early and.... Anyway, it matters not, that is ancient history. I have been plugging along working very hard. Week after birthday there was some work stuff going on, layoffs on the horizon, and other unrest. It came after 2nd quarter earnings report. I have been practicing my positive thinking and still enjoying my job. It took a couple of days to adjust, though.

Kids are back in school, and we have been doing some family bonding. My real birthday celebration was going out for dinner and frozen yogurt with the kids and then coming back and playing rock band on the wi. It was fun. Last night we did dinner again and took daughter's boyfriend. We are going to make it a practice at least every couple of weeks even if it is just out to the frozen yogurt spot. Or a dog walk, etc.

Food and exercise are the same. I am in maintenance again but mostly focused on keeping myself on an even emotional deal.

More later..

Grateful

I like to look back a year once and a while and see where I was. Last year at this time we were still finishing up my mother's move after my father's death. I had not started my regular walking yet, which is one of the things that drew me out of that deep depression. But I was getting close. I had ordered some HCG, I had tried the Body for Life and other somewhat drastic measures but could not stick with them. I was frustrated.

I am grateful today that I have more self-acceptance and that I took measures to address my depression, even though it was a slow progress. I have not given up on losing the last 10 or 20 pounds. And I believe I can. I am grateful that I have made some major positive changes in the past year. Changing jobs was one of them. Finding some spiritual guidance was another. There are several. They address my daily well-being emotionally and spiritually.

Yesterday was another balanced day. I went to the gym on my way home. I am looking forward to going on my little birthday getaway. I am meeting a man who lives near my friend's house. That might be interesting. And I get to go to the falls and clear my mind, and heal.

I took this picture last year when I out hiking in the fall. That was a nice phase in my life. It was solitary and I remember feeling a little lonely doing all those hikes alone, but it was meditative, and part of my healing process. I like pictures of paths, roads, walkways - symbolic of looking forward, staying on a path, and the excitement of new discoveries ahead.

More will be revealed!

Better

Yesterday was a non-scale victory. I got a tenant call about the AC and it ended up being a very expensive and involved problem with the furnace blower. There was talk of a new furnace. I was confused and alarmed, and had that financially threatened, fear filled, alone feeling. I made several calls (I needed an intervention!), some to friends and some to friends of heating and cooling companies. I went home and relaxed. I did not overeat the entire day. I stayed true to myself! I dealt with the stress by talking to people, e-mailing, and relaxing in front of some of my favorite comedy in the evening. I did not expect too much of myself, I simply wanted a better state of mind. Today I got up early and contacted another company, got a second opinion, felt comfortable with them and the work will be completed tomorrow. The tenants have a room unit in the larger room downstairs and their Aunt lives nearby so they are okay. I am getting it fixed as quickly as possible but I did not panic and was not at the mercy of the first company I used. I feel relieved today but I am not doing the relief eating (a/k/a the "afters"?) either. I am being balanced.

Yes, it is expensive, but it is my responsibility and it is part of owning property. I rest in knowing I did my best, and I have a solution. And, I did not eat as a coping mechanism. My friend the scale was back down today, still playing with those two pounds, but not entirely dependent on what the scales says. I felt leaner last night and today.

So happy happy furnace fixing to me!

More will be revealed!

Cooling my Thoughts

I am doing better, but frustrated with the scale. I still weigh every day to keep myself out of denial but it frustrates me to see no results. It takes longer to compensate for bad choices and balance things out. And, I have not changed my habits enough. I am having body image issues and distorted thinking. But, I did go to the gym last night in spite of not wanting to go. I am not eating the nuts anymore.
It is horribly hot, so this picture from an April snow - snow covered tree blossoms makes me feel cool. That was a lovely morning, sun shining on the snow making it sparkle, and the cool clear air and bright blue sky. I'd like to go back there right now and sit. I need to be patient, but firm with myself. I have to make better choices and keep trying even though my body fat feels like an immovable force. I have to stop giving it so much power!! I need to cool it with the thinking and relax, take a deep breath. A deep, cool breath.

Trail Mix

I hate trail mix, because every so often I trick myself, or lie to myself that I can eat it because nuts are good for me. My office mate had a bag of a very healthy, organic, no salt, etc. trail mix. She left it out for me because I was working late. She kept it on her desk for me and over several days I ended up eating all of it. I my two pounds back, I bought some to replace her back and I ended up opening it and eating the walnuts and pecans out of it and some tried blueberries. On what would have been perfect food days, I lost nothing.

This is making me sick. This nut thing. I am the nut. I cannot have nuts around. They have to be in something that I get somewhere else. If I buy a supply that I want to use to put in things, I eat them all. Who would think unsalted, raw nuts would become mini binge food? I am mad at myself but I have to forgive myself and move on. NO more nuts, this is enough. I have always had problems with them - lack of self control.

I hate when I sabotage myself when I am doing good. Anyway, I went to the gym yesterday so I had my three gym days this week, I am just frustrated that I have NO results and instead a setback because of nuts. It makes me nuts..

Today is a new day.

Little Breaks

Yesterday was a very stable food day. I used my daily readings all day long to remind myself to go to the peaceful places of my mind. And, to go to the positive thoughts whenever negative thoughts intruded. It is becoming more of a habit. I am getting better at it. I love summer foods, like cucumbers and tomatoes. I believe that cucumbers keep me feeling full. I love them with tomatoes with some red wine vinegar, black pepper and a pinch of Parmesan cheese. I also love berries, of all kinds. Tonight is gym night and I packed my clothes so I can stop on my way home. The heat index has deterred my daily walks, but I have gone shorter distances to keep the habit of taking an outdoor break. I also look at pictures, like this one, and use visualization for a mini-break. My work gets tedious, and I need little breaks, instead of little snacks. I believe I used to reach for food at times when all I really needed was a break, a diversion, a rest, or even a drink of water!