Monday, October 27, 2008

Epic Moment

I had a moment yesterday that amazed me. I was at a baby shower and they played this game - baby shower games get more bizarre all the time. We had to determine what kind of candy bar was melted and mushed into baby diapers. I won. The stumper was the kit kat bar. I knew it immediately. I'd consumed an entire bag of mini kit kats shortly before my trip last week. When I raised my hand as knowing the kit kat they were all surprised. I said it was easy because I had eaten an entire bag recently. They all looked surprised - probably not because I ate them but because I admitted I ate them. And then a lady behind me said "and look how little she is" - - that blew me away. I have never been referred to as little, I don't consider myself little. But the fact that I joyously admitted to eating an entire bag of kit kats, in public, around women I don't even know, coupled with someone referring to me as little is kind of a surreal experience for me. Who am I now? A small, brazen, kit kat eating person?

I don't know. But it felt nice to be ok with myself enough to admit to my eating the bag of candy. I said it was the Halloween candy and the lady next to me said I could just turn my porch light off. It was great. Eating a bag of candy in the past would be a crisis and a self loathing moment. I am not advocating eating large amounts of candy. What this is about is that I got over it. I am not happy to eat all that junk, but if it happens I am still ok with myself. I ate better the rest of the week. My trip week involved about a two pound gain which may be more attributed to pre trip stress eating (a.k.a. kit kats) and a little of the trip itself. I did push ups and abs in my room each morning and opted for healthy choices of foods. I had a good trip but I am very very happy to be home.

Had to share my surreal moment, even at the risk of blogging at work. I don't like to talk to much about eating the bad stuff, but it's the relationship with myself that has improved so much. I don't do those kinds of things often anymore. And I am not happy about doing it, but I can move on, and be more neutral with myself. Treat myself like a would a friend or any other person. Non judging, and supportive. And sometimes we just need to laugh at ourselves. I won a very pretty votive candle holder for being such an expert on the kit kat.


Vickie said...
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Laura N said...

Oh I'd have thrilled in that comment too. I've played that diaper game. It's better with candy bars than with baby food, which is really gross.

Good for you for not beating yourself up over the kit kats.