I feel much better today. My meltdown did not spill over into any more days. I am in good spirits. I even feel good about not getting that job I interviewed for Monday. I got an e-mail from them when I returned from my lunch with Laura. It was totally cool to meet Laura for lunch!!! The first blogging friend I have met in person!! Right here in my neck of the woods.. It is amazing to have made friends all over the country. Real people... very supportive people. I need you guys! It makes me want to go to the Blogher conference.
After Sunday's mini meltdown I have been pondering a few things. For one, I don't want to change jobs yet. At least not until the kids are out of school. For another, I really want that severance pay and perhaps a even a month off. I feel like I have been trying to do too much again. Maybe just in my head, thinking I NEED to do too much RIGHT NOW. I want to take some time and get all peaceful again. I have not been too peaceful. Since they cut off our overtime, I can happily leave the office at the end of the day knowing that I CAN'T stay late no matter how much work there is. That is a plus to the quality of my life. I need to be out walking, bike riding, teaching my daughter how to drive, going to the gym with my grandson and so on..having some fun. Life is too short to work too much.
I know it is risky but I feel like waiting at least until I get my 60 day notice to start looking again. Maybe even 30 days after my 60 days begins. When I was interviewing for this job I felt a lot of pressure. I could visualize being in that highly corporate, very disciplined environment where people don't even have pictures on their office walls (I could not figure that one out but all three offices I sat in had NO pictures, bare walls - maybe it's just because the walls were white or something) and stay late every day. I could visualize being in traffic at 7:30 a.m. stressing whether I'd make it by 8 a.m. sharp. I did not like the feeling very much. I was willing to do it. But in my heart I was feeling like I HAD to, and I was resenting it. Maybe I am just not ready to do it. Part of me was on board with doing it..but part of me was a tad freaked out about it. I always try and look on the bright side.
Right now I don't want to think about jobs. I just want to do the one I still have, and focus on getting my personal life a little more in order. Like my diet and exercise, my kids, my parents. I kept thinking that if I took another job and something happened with my Dad I would not have the time to take off and go down there. There is an advantage to staying put. A quality of life advantage. There is also a sense of freedom or something in being in a situation that I know is going to go away. Not sure what that is but there's something about it. There's an energizing challenge in the high volume of work we are doing, and a joy in the fact that no matter what I can't work more than a 40 hour week.
Anyway, I am taking a week, maybe more, off of looking, thinking, and even talking about finding a new job. After that I will think about it again. For now I am giving myself a vacation. I did feel a tad rejected about that job. I wanted to be wanted, but I did not know if I wanted them..sort of like with the guys I've dated.. hmmm..maybe I need to look at that.