I am in my hearth area. It is such a warm room even without a fire. The warm colors and the cozy atmosphere are too pleasant to entertain any anxiety this morning. I was anxious earlier when I woke up. My daughter is having her dizzy spells again and feeling very bad. I took her to the doctor but that was somewhat frustrating. I am staying home, yesterday and today. That made me anxious, and I felt frozen on a project because I could not get motivated to do it. Then fear set in. But I have banished those feelings in favor of celebrating my life today just the way it is.
I love this room I will take a photo soon, my daughter is sleeping and she has the USB cable for my camera. I have come a long way. Not just with weight. With my other struggles - with men. The Weed cropped up last week but this time he left on his own. How cool is that??? He saw his own behavior because I did not react. I was detached. I was polite but not very accommodating. He pronounced his own weaknesses and put some closure on things. I did not have to do anything. He cannot hurt me. He has absolutely no power over me. He has problems and I have no desire or feeling of obligation to fix them.
What a nice feeling it is to just be myself and let other people be themselves and to not feel like I have to get involved in things. The admirer guy from a couple of weeks ago is still around on a casual basis. The one I went to the river with. We have had breakfast, coffee, and he came to dinner when I had a few people over. He is interesting to talk to about business type things and other stuff. I have not gotten romantic with him. He is in the possibilities but probably friend category. Sometimes I feel a little warmed up to him but then it cools right back down. It is a safe and comfortable feeling for me to just be able to objectively get to know people. Wow, do normal people do this all their lives and I just now figured it out? ? Better late than never. Men don't wield power over my emotions any more. How'd that happen? Even dreams about my ex don't bother me. I am in a comfortable safe place right now. My self esteem no longer comes from external stuff.
I have a lot of work to do today. I was feeling anxious about working from home, job fears but I decided to let those go, too. They don't do me any good. Seems like people have needed me more lately and I was feeling pressed by all directions but I can go into my own safe little peaceful place and not take on the world's problems. One thing I like about the admirer is he will bring me coffee, and tells me nice things that I know he means. I don't have to be attracted to him like a boyfriend to enjoy his admiration and attention. It is nice for someone to come over and bring coffee, and help build the fire, stay a while and then leave. Boundaries are great.
Food is up and down but not completely out of control. I am at peace with that too. I am grateful my job is still around, and my home is intact, my kids are ok, and I live in a beautiful environment that I put together myself. I believed in it and it is here. I think I will believe in more things and be as positive as I can be. Celebrate everything. Blogging has changed my life. I know it has. It is the missing link for me. I am so grateful for it.
More will be revealed.