Monday, November 17, 2008

What I have Learned

After doing the carb deplete a few different times I have learned something very important about me. I can't do carb deplete without having a major depressive episode. Probably because I am on the depressive side anyway. It is exciting at first because the scale is on my side but sooner or later my brain gets very weird. It has happened every time. I promised my daughter I would not do it again. It may be the way I do my carb deplete but I am not willing to risk it again. She said she'd rather I weigh more and be happy than to keep trying to lose more and have those episodes. She even said she thinks maybe that's why some heavier people are "jolly" because they get to have all the feel good carbs. I like the way she sees things sometimes. Level headed and honest.

Now, I am not going to the other end of the spectrum on the carbs, either. I dont' have to have all the Jolly carbs but I do need to watch out for extremes. I have also noticed a tendency to binge again after the depletion. I have not had those binging episodes in a long time, not like the ones I have had after carb depletion. It must be my addict's mind, like Helen talks about. I need a steady balance of something. So I am trying to stabilize myself. My weight is up a bit. I have been having major hot flashes for weeks now. It took a week to recover from my last carb deplete last weekend.

I am going to focus on exercise and balanced diet for now. A balanced diet aimed at taking a few pounds back off but not too aggressive on goals. I have come along way and don't want to blow it by high expectations. Also focusing on accepting and maintaining my body at a range from the upper to mid 140's to mid 150's. For now. I don't want to get into thinking I have to lose more than that because it seems too impossible and I get into some negative thinking (and behavior). Not that I would not like to be ten pounds lower but for now I want to stabilize and accept myself where I am, get my brain happy, and keep working on physical abilities.

I rode my bike yesterday morning. It was really nice. It is a major workout because there are so many hills. I raked leaves, too. I had people over for dinner last Sunday and lit fire in the fireplace. It was very nice. So now the fireplace is broken in and I have lit a couple fires on my own. My daughter loves it. I also love hanging out in the kitchen now that I have the cozy couch. Things are going pretty good. I just need to get myself on a more stable and off of what appears to have become a roller coaster with the food.

More will be revealed!


Vickie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Helen said...

I think it's great that you are AWARE of your body and how what you put into it affects it. That is HUGE. I'm still working on tuning in to that awareness. And I also think that maintaining over the holidays is what it's all about...not that I wouldn't like to lose...

Laura N said...

I am the same way on the carb deplete!!! It's normal, I think. We are withdrawing from carbs, and we get the w/d symptoms. And if you are like me, you start the carb down cycle after a big time carb up cycle (the bad carbs). So there's a lot to withdraw from.

I started the 4 carb down days yesterday--I'm not doing the full carb deplete again--and I was very moody. Of course, it's also TTOM today, so that may have had something to do with it. I'm feeling OK today. Not great. But better because I think I'd be feeling not great anyway, and at least today I'm not burying my head in comfort food.

I think if you can focus your carbs in the early hours of the day and make that evening meal as carb free as possible, it might help. That's what I'm going to try once I get detoxed after these 4 days.

The fireplace sounds lovely. Hope your week goes well!

LG said...

That's pretty cool that your daughter had such good insights and agreed with your own judgment. (Two of a kind! :-))

I like how you get exercise on your bike and doing things. Raking leaves is a pretty hard exercise in my opinion!