This morning I was dreaming that my father was sleeping in my mother's bed. I was happy to find that out and I went into the room. I did not want to wake him. I could hear him breathing. I wanted to take off work so I could be with him. I kept wondering why it was such a big deal to hear him breathing. Then I woke up. I remembered that he died. I felt so sad. I did not want to go to work. I did not want to do anything. I felt kinda low most of the day. Work has challenges and it is lonely. I felt even more lonely after the dream. I hate that people die. I wish I could have talked to my father before he died. The last time I saw him he did not even see me really or know who I was. I cannot remember the last conversation I had with him when he knew who I was. I wish I could have spent more time with him. I wish I never had to grow up and that things had to change. I wish I was still a child living in the house where I grew up. I am tired of working and doing all these grownup things. I just want to sleep.
I had to write that down. Tomorrow is another day. I want to sleep this one off.